ONCE upon a time, there was a pao named Da Pao. She was a pretty pink pao who wears the scent of cherry blossoms. Alas, it didn’t matter whether she was sweet or pink, for she was trapped. Trapped in a dark, crumbling castle guarded by an evil serpent, with a nose that stopped functioning centuries ago. Or maybe he didn’t have a nose to start with. Anyway, he couldn’t appreciate the spiceness of Da Pao, or else he would have eaten her up long ago. The evil serpent was entrusted the task wrapping its thick, slimy trunk around anyone who dares to step within 50 feet of the castle.
After ensuring that the castle is secured and no one could catch a glimpse of her beauty, Da Pao hid in her room high up in the third tower from the left that is taller than Mt. Everest. Her task was to finish reading the SAT books that are slowly inching its way to her ceiling top, courtesy of all those who had thrown theirs away. Da Pao’s mom was called Cream Pao, as “cream” sounds similar to “queen”. Cream Pao likes to wander about peasants’ houses, collecting stuff she found interesting from the local junkyard. There was once she brought home a talking dog. The dog was named Beech, namely because it’s a She, and also because she smells like a Beech Tree.
Jealous of the attention Cream Pao has been showering Beech with, and being a pao with fillings (feelings), Da Pao sniffed and was determined to escape the castle to bring home a goldfish, which, in her opinion, can do so much more than Beech, such as swim. She dreamt about the perfect goldfish, one with a large tail–but not as big and hairy as Beech’s, that’s disgusting–and beautiful swollen lips that can swallow a handful of fish pellets at once because it is so masculine and uh, hearty. Oh, how badly Da Pao wanted that goldfish! Da Pao stupidly went up to her mother, as adrenaline engorged her, unable to let her think properly, she said “I, Da Pao, shall leave this castle, and bring back a goldfish, that can finish all my SAT books. BAH!” And with that, she turned on her heels and stomped out of the room. Cream Pao rolled after her, but alas, some cream oozed out from the hole in her butt. As Da Pao stormed out, she suddenly felt something sticky and slick beneath her soft pao feet. Looking down, she stifled a cry of horror as she saw the fluid from her mother’s body spurting out onto the floor like a dent in a pipe. Except cream is better than stinky water.
Which is how Da Pao realized that the stench polluting the air is definitely not coming from her mother. This distinct smell, a mixture of perpetual sweat and fear, clings to a certain type of pao which constantly have something to worry about. “Uncooked Pao!” Da Pao closed the delicate little openings at the top from which steam had once blew its way out. “You’ve got to stop being so stinky.” Uncooked Pao shivered, either from anxiety or the fact that its still in semi-frozen state, cried, “I have to be stinky! If I’m as sweet-smelling as you, I’d end up having to do all those SAT books.” [moral of story #1: Don’t shower so that the stench of your fear will distract everyone else in the exam room] This snapped Da Pao out of her state of disgust and reminded her of that goldfish she must have. Determined, she pushed Uncooked Pao out of the way, slurped some yummy cream from Cream Pao’s belly to gain strength–but mostly out of greediness–and made her way down the spiral staircase that led her to the doors of the castle, as well as the lair where the evil serpent rested.
Now, the evil serpent, unlike Cream Pao, was having a great day. He had so far managed to wrap itself around three homeless kids, who had unwittingly followed the scent of steamed paos and arrived at this looming castle. These poor kids, they never saw it coming. One moment they were salivating at the thought of biting into a creamy pao and the next they were trapped in the wrath of the callous serpent. Which is why, when Da Pao noisily bounced herself down the stairs, the evil serpent could not be less bothered. “Let her be,” it would have thought, had its brains been able to think. “She’s too big to roll anywhere far anyway. Wasting her life away reading SAT books.”
With feet of stealth, Da Pao rolled out of the castle like a boss. When she rolled onto the drawbridge, King Pao suddenly appeared at the end of the drawbridge, angered by his daughter’s atrocity. King Pao waddled to the middle of the bridge and stretched out his tiny arms. “HALT,” he puffed out a breath of mushrooms and chicken. Unlike his daughter, he grew up in a chicken farm when he was young, and oh boy, the chickens looooveee mushrooms.
Before she could even think properly, Da Pao decided the only way to get a goldfish was to leap into the moat and grab one herself. She jumped, soaring high up in the air, did a somersault so grand a professional gymnast would be proud of, and dived into the water like a heavy pao.
Too bad she forgot she is only a pao, no matter how royal she is. She got soggy, and sank. Now all the goldfishes could eat her fillings, 吃她的豆腐。
MORAL OF STORY #2: STUDY HARD and don’t depend on any goldfishes.
MORAL OF STORY #3: Be a vegetarian
THE END.
This is a story written by Xiao Sicheng and Ng Michelle. Please comment and give us feedback, we’ll be doing this weekly. We hope you enjoy the story! :)
